Why Speaking Up Is Hard

Bringing up incontinence with a doctor can feel overwhelming. Many people struggle with embarrassment, fear of judgment, or simply not knowing how to start the conversation. But your doctor is there to help, and the sooner you talk about it, the sooner you can explore treatments, figure out helpful management strategies, and find possible underlying causes.

Why It’s Important to Tell Your Doctor

Incontinence isn’t just an inconvenience—it’s a medical condition that can impact physical health, mental well-being, and daily life. Speaking up can help you:

• Get access to medical treatments, tests, or referrals.
• Learn about management strategies to improve confidence.
• Reduce the stress of managing it alone
  
• Address any underlying health issues contributing to incontinence.

Doctors won’t be shocked by the conversation. They see patients with all kinds of personal issues every day. It’s important to seek medical help instead of doing a quick search online to figure it out on your own. Even though the act of speaking up can feel scary at first, professional help can provide you with the best care possible.

Ways to Make Discussing Incontinence with Your Doctor Easier

Use Your Patient Portal Before the Appointment

If your clinic has an online portal, message your doctor beforehand or list 'incontinence’ as the reason for your visit.

Booking an appointment for a urology referral can also start the conversation without you having to say much.

Write It Down and Hand It Over

• Keep a list of symptoms, concerns, and questions in Google Keep, Apple Notes, or a notebook.
• If you struggle to bring it up, hand a written note to your doctor.
• Keep it short and clear, for example: "I experience both daytime and nighttime incontinence. It’s affecting my mental health and daily life, and I’d like to discuss possible treatments."
  
  

Practice Using a Script

Talking to your doctor about incontinence can feel overwhelming, but finding a way that suits your comfort level can make it easier. Whether you prefer to be direct, write it down, or ease into the conversation through symptoms, having a plan helps reduce anxiety and ensures you get the support you need. Here are three examples of how to talk about incontinence with confidence.


Option 1: The Direct Approach

If you’re comfortable speaking up about the issue outright, this approach gets straight to the point.

• Example script:
  "I’ve been experiencing urinary incontinence, both during the day and at night. It’s affecting my mental health and daily life. I need help managing it, whether that’s through medication, referrals, or lifestyle changes. What options do I have?"
  
  
  

Option 2: The Written Note Approach

If you freeze up in the moment, handing your doctor a short note can help.

• Example note:
  "I struggle to talk about this, but I need help. I experience both daytime and nighttime incontinence. It affects my mental health and work life, and I need options for treatment. I don’t know what causes it, but I’d like to discuss tests, medication, or anything else that could help."
  
  The benefits
• Brings the issue up clearly without hesitation.
• Asks for solutions, giving your doctor a clear direction to help
• Emphasizes how incontinence is impacting your life, making it a priority.
  
  

Option 3: The "Ease Into It" Approach

If saying "I have incontinence" feels overwhelming, start by describing your symptoms instead.

• Example script:
  "I’ve been noticing some bladder issues that are really interfering with my daily life. I sometimes leak when I sit, stand, cough, or laugh. I also get sudden urges where I can’t hold it for long. It’s been going on for a while, and I’m getting really anxious about it. Could we talk about what might be causing this and what I can do?"
  
  The benefits
  
• Frames the conversation around symptoms, making it less intimidating.
• Encourages the doctor to ask follow-up questions, helping you ease into the discussion.
• Works as a conversation starter if you feel nervous about stating it outright.
  
  
  

What Your Doctor Might Ask You

To prepare for your appointment, think about how you might answer these common questions:

• How long have you been experiencing incontinence?
• Do you notice triggers (e.g., coughing, laughing, sudden urges)?
• How often do you experience leaks?
  
• Do you wear protection (pads, pants, etc.)?
• Is incontinence affecting your daily life or mental health?

Being prepared for these questions can make the conversation smoother and help your doctor understand your needs.

Easing Appointment Anxiety

Feeling nervous before your appointment? Here are simple ways to ease the stress and feel more in control.

Remind Yourself That Doctors Have Seen Everything

• Your doctor won’t judge you. They deal with patients needing intimate exams, chronic conditions like diabetes or IBS, sensitive mental health issues, and serious diagnoses.
• To them, discussing incontinence is routine. They are there to help, not to judge.
  
  

Bring a Support Person

• If you’re really struggling, ask a trusted friend or family member to come with you to ease the appointment anxiety.
• They can help remind you what to say.
• They can speak on your behalf if you freeze up.
• They can offer emotional support.
  

Use a Confidence-Boosting Trick

• If you feel frozen with fear, try imagining yourself as someone confident.
• Some people find it helpful to channel a rockstar, superhero, or fearless leader before an intimidating appointment.
  
  
  
  

You Deserve to Be Heard and Supported

Talking about incontinence can feel embarrassing, but you don’t have to face it alone. Whether you use a script, write it down, or message your doctor beforehand, the important thing is taking that first step by speaking up.
Your doctor’s there to help. Once you speak up, you’re on your way to better care, smarter support, and way less stress.