Toilet training isn’t just about knowing when to go. For some kids, especially those on the autism spectrum, the ‘simple’ act of sitting on the toilet can be a massive hurdle. And not in the “Oops, too late!” kind of way. We’re talking full-on, feet-planted, “no-not-happening” toilet refusal.

Let’s unpack what might actually be going on… and how you can gently work towards taking the next step.

It’s Not Stubbornness — It Can Be Sensory Overload

For kids with autism, the toilet itself can be an overwhelming experience. That seat? It might feel too cold, too hard, too wobbly — or just too much. Add in the sound of flushing, the rush of air, the echo in the bathroom, or even the lighting — and you’ve got a whole sensory circus.

Refusing to sit isn’t about being difficult. It’s about discomfort, fear, and feeling totally out of control. And when a child can’t use words to tell you what’s going on inside their body, loud actions can be a way of expressing how they feel  — especially in the form of big emotions or meltdowns.

It’s Tough — And You’re Allowed to Admit That

You’ve probably tried all the tricks in the book (and maybe made up a few of your own). Step stools, seat inserts, singing songs, sitting next to them. Maybe you’ve cried quietly after feeling helpless.
 

Let’s just pause here and say: it’s OK to feel down. This stuff is exhausting. It’s slow, it’s isolating, and not always perfect. Especially when every other “milestone tracker” or parenting book seems to assume the toilet seat isn’t the problem.

You’re not failing. You’re navigating something hard — and you’re still showing up. That’s something to be proud of.

So, Where to From Here?

🪑 Start With Sitting Anywhere But the Toilet

If the toilet seat itself is a no-go, try starting somewhere else. Sit on a potty chair in another room. Or a closed lid. The goal isn’t “wee goes in here” just yet — it’s “this is a place we sit and feel OK.”

🧻 Make The Seat Feel Less Scary (Without Pressure)

Let them explore the toilet seat outside the bathroom. Grab a spare one and let your kid touch it, hold it, decorate it with stickers—make it part of playtime before it shows up in the bathroom. For example, you can use a spare seat as a pretend steering wheel, to make it familiar before ever asking your child to sit on it.

Some kids love owning the seat: “This is YOUR special seat!” allows them to feel more in control of their toilet training journey. Add padding, a warm cover, or even a familiar fabric they helped choose. Making the experience as comforting as it can be, can allow your child to feel at ease, in what might be a challenging environment. 

💡 Let Them Watch, Not Perform

Let them watch you or a sibling sit (if they agree to it). Demonstrate without pressure. Keep things calm and short, with no expectations attached. Curiosity can kick in over time — and that’s a win.

🧸 Make It Routine, Not a Big Deal

Toilet time doesn’t need to be dramatic. Even just walking into the bathroom, washing hands, or sitting on a closed lid as part of a routine can help. Predictability brings a sense of comfort, and gives them that “I got this” feeling.

🎧 Bring Comfort In

Is it the sound? The echo? The sensory chaos of bathroom tiles? Try noise-cancelling headphones, soft lighting, and even music they love. Have an autism-friendly bathroom set-up that also doubles as a calm, safe zone for them. 

Remember: Progress Is Progress

Some days will feel like a leap forward. Others will feel like you’re back at square one. That’s normal. The trick? Don’t rush. Celebrate the small stuff:

• Sat on the closed lid for 5 seconds? Win.
  
  
• Walked into the bathroom without bolting away? Huge win.
  
  
• Didn’t scream at the sight of the seat? The ultimate win.
  
  

Tiny steps are still steps — and they add up, even when it doesn’t feel like it yet.

You're Doing Great!

We don’t need to sugarcoat it — supporting a child with autism, who refuses to sit on the toilet is hard. But you’re doing it. You’re looking for answers, you’re trying new things, and you’re showing up with patience, care and warmth. 

That counts. That matters.

One day — maybe not today, maybe not next week — things will shift. And when they do, it’ll be because of all the quiet, gentle groundwork you’re laying right now.

You’ve got this!

Disclaimer:
This article is for informational purposes only and is not a substitute for professional medical advice, diagnosis, or treatment. Always consult a qualified healthcare provider with any questions you may have regarding a medical condition or your child’s health. Never ignore professional medical advice or delay in seeking it because of something you’ve read here.